A Little Taste Of Heaven
25.10.03 THE HERALD MAGAZINE

Hot dogs. Shakes.
And a sense of the other worldly...

Has this ever happened to you? You walk past the end of a street you've walked past 1,000 times and you notice something you've never noticed before? Spooky. So one day I'm walking past Parnie Street in Glasgow's Merchant City when, up at the dark bit, just below the TJ Hughes sign, I spot a pathetic little plastic flag, all on its own, advertising Galloway ice-cream. Which I like (try the oatmeal). Curious, I go up: and there, sitting in the shadows, in a place where no business should survive because there is no passing trade at all, is a cafe with the ugliest name I have ever heard. Thriving.

How odd is that? Well, not as odd as the fact I have been in here a couple of times a week since. Or the fact I have developed a weird taste for something called an Oreo Shake and another thing called a Kog Dog.

Anyway, I digress. What's a Kog that's what this place is called - like? And who comes here? And who came up with that name? Well, I can tell you that it's a bit like the shop Mr Benn goes into in the cartoon; that the decor is loft-style like Rachel's apartment in Friends; and that the customers give the place the kind of feel you get from a Wim Wenders movie, but nice. More specific? All right. There are bare brick walls, purple- painted plaster blotches, five tables, one climbing plant and a couch. Oh, and it's American. Run by Americans.

The same copy of the Times has been in the newspaper rack for two weeks now. Sometimes when I come in young people are playing Scrabble. Yesterday a well-hard guy rode his Harley Davidson onto the pavement outside, put his shades on, adjusted his bandana thing and came striding through the door. Cappuccino please, he whispered. Work it out. It's peaceful. Hotel California peaceful.

The food? It's good. They really try. Sometimes too hard. That should have tipped me off. There's usually a fresh American apple pie on display (it's a lot spider than ours), plus other home baking including empire biscuits with cream cheese on them and toffee cakes full of, er, gooey toffee. There are also quesadillas and nachos and wraps and so on, and the Caesar salad is first-rate. But I'd recommend the things I'm having today.

There's this Kog Dog for a start. Take a look. We have before us a substantial, split, grilled (not boiled) hot dog, covered in melted cheese, bacon and some gooey dressing stuff. It's all quite runny, quite messy and quite delicious. On the side I have a broccoli salad- This consists very small, diced pieces of broccoli and fruit tossed in a sweet dressing and served up in a small stainless-steel dish. It's different, to say the least.

To accompany this I am, of course, having an Oreo Shake. Behold the magnificence of a black-and-white speckled milk shake containing oodles of those sweet, savoury American cookie biscuits. The shake comes thick or thin, depending on who makes it up for you (the red-haired waitress makes it so thick you need a spoon). I could have had spicy chai, which is apparently what brings the Americans in - a black Indian tea with cinnamon, cloves, honey and milk. But I tried it once, and that was enough.

Now, I may have given you the impression that there's something odd about Kog. I hope I have, because there is. I stumbled upon its secret on the internet. It's not the fact that everything is so laid-back it's horizontal, nor that you suspect they would faint if more than half a dozen customers came in at the same time. Nor is it the fact that Kog spelt backwards reads Gok. It's that nobody here gets paid. They're all cooking and serving and cleaning and smiling for nothing.

Why? Because it's a charity. A charity in which the G word figures quite prominently. Normally that would have me running, screaming, for the door. But nobody in here has ever mentioned it to me. So I'm not going to mention it to them. I'll just keep on coming, and pretend I don't know anything about it. Even if dog spelt backwards reads...

MENU
Burgers, hot dogs, home baking: American-Mexican with a hint of Glasgow. 3/5

ATMOSPHERE
You can check out any time you like but you can never leave, as they say in the song. (Hotel California, stoopid.) Laid-back. 4/5

SERVICE
So personal you'll think they know your name. Comfort, rather than speed is the imperative. 3/5

PRICE
Around £4 for a Caesar salad or a great big sandwich. Reasonable. 4/5

FOOD
The cooking exhibits the best attributes of the enthusiastic but skilled amateur; the food itself is very good. 8/10

TOTAL 22/30


The List, Food and Drink Guide review - Winter 2003

A fledgling cafe set up in conjunction with the Arts Collaborative scheme, Kog has plans for exhibitions, poetry readings and storytelling nights in adjoining rooms. Acoustic bands already play on Fridays and Saturdays and the cafe is ideally placed as an emerging arts venue, surrounded by the galleries and arty hang-outs of nearby King Street. Some funky, modern decor adds interest while the main space is small, warm and friendly. Selling good and honest grub, the menu is short and simple with the standard sandwiches, baked potatoes and pastries. They do, however, stock gorgeous Galloway ice-cream; the whisky, honey and oatmeal flavour deserves to be sampled -- as does the spicy chai or black Indian tea infused with clove and cinnamon and served with honey and milk. All this plus a warm and chatty staff.